time and space.

Things are happening. I can feel them stirring themselves up, about to pop. Am I unemployed for the millionth time? Yes. Am I currently residing in a 1973 argosy airstream in my boyfriends parents backyard? Yes. But isnt that when everything starts to take shape? And no I don't mean I've hit rock bottom. I have a fabulously furnished and perfectly placed apartment in Omaha surrounded by friends and loved ones that I could go home to tomorrow if i wanted...but then...I'd get settled. And cozy and LAZY...and so ridiculously comfortable with this station in life I would forget what I was fighting for. That is a very true statement. I'm glad I said it. This show...these shows are going to happen. One way or another. I have time, space, energy and opportunity right now and I need to take the reigns of this bull and slam it into something big...or however the saying goes. I have no rent, no kids, amazing looks and the most talented people with me ever...there is nothing holding me back but me. And I'm stepping aside. Watch out everybody-the fat lady is a singing.

Sooo...I am in the middle of nowhere Nebraska and I love it. Like its really fucking fantastic. More on this later.

New York...Shmoo York...but actually super fantastic.

I have a show going to New York! What does that even mean. Millions of people have shows in New York all the time. I guess it means more to me because it was selected. SE-LEC-TED. That means a couple of strangers read it, like it and thought it was worth their time, energy and money. That's the difference I guess. I'm not out in New York all crazy and struggling begging people to see my show, theyre picking it and thinking its cool. All I have to do is show up to work, pay rent and spend a few hours a week writing some shit and then mail it off. That's how I'm going to become famous. The fucking lazy way.

The Waiting Line
Manhattan Rep Theatre
June 30th July 2nd and 3rd.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE COME!!!

How much wasted time?

Sometimes I can't sleep thinking about all the time and days I've wasted. Being lazy, being drunk, being foolish and in love with some random person again... somedays I wake up from a falling dream and I think that I will never match the level of potential everyone else has for me. Including myself. But I've had a lot of fun. I've done a lot of traveling. Should it matter that I'm not some big published author. I've finished a book. I mean, I read it alot. I like it. I'm successful in small ways and big in my head. I feel like I can put everything off indefinitely because me and God got something going on. We have a secret. And that secret is that I can fuck around and screw up and ignore the calling because I have all the time in the World. I don't know if anyone else knew that. But I'm invincible. That's what Gods been keeping to himself. I wake up and I know that unless I really force it Wednesday is going to be just like Tuesday was and Tuesday was synonymous with Monday and was that Monday or Sunday that was Saturday? I'm tired of wasting time, and moments and minutes on any of this. I'm going to use my life to live and not just float...But where do I start?

Catching Up; Tried in Tride

Okay...I need to get back to a regular writing regime starting tonight. I haven't been on here in MONTHS! I've completely neglected to write about my time spent in Telluride Colorado. From November to April which I can some up like this:

Number of alcohol units consumed: Countless
Number of Sexual partners: anywhere between 5 and 8-ish
Number of meaningful romantic connections: 0
Number of jobs at the beginning: 3
Number by the end: 0
Number of illegal substances abused: 3
Number of combined times: 65+
Number of friends made: maybe 25
Number of shitty friends lost: 5
Number of times I talked to my mom: 40-ish
Number of times I talked to my dad: 1
Number of times I woke up somewhere other than my apartment: Countless
Number of Dinner parties had: 20
Number of Michael Jackson contests I won: 1
Number of times I got sick: 3
Number of times I went naked cliff diving: 1
Number of days I lasted as a ski lift op: 45
Number of dollars I spent on booze and bullshit: Countless
Number of dollars I came home with: 25
Number of mini vacations taken: 4
Number of times I think about that time with regret: Countless
Number of times I realize I had the time of my life: Countless

So there it is. Telluride Colorado and me. Yes I moved there (sort of) to be nearer to a boy (of course) which totally proved futile because as one of my less popular loves once texted me "People don't come to T-ride for relationships". If only I had known then. Someday we'll sit down and go through all of the lovers and awkward moments and missed connections of that time...but until then onto the future.

I came running back home two weeks early, rent late and penniless ready to start all over in Omaha. Celebrated my 25th birthday, kicked a cheating boyfriend and shitty "best friend" to the curb, worked at Julios Tex mex, had a great run at the Theatre COnference slept with an actor there, three weeks later slept with another...a local one this time which only runs into trouble...broke up with him three weeks after that b/c he was watching me sleep (weird) he went off to shoot a movie and now Im here hooking up with a hippie musican and loving it and spending my only day off screwing around on the internet, still mourning the loss of my idol Michael Jackson and wondering what it all means...

Yes we did.

Last night was a moment in history. As I stood there listening to the new President-elect speak with passion, candor and fire to a nation he will soon be the leader of, time stopped. That spectacular moment when the dreams that have been dreamt, the battles that have been won, and the movements that have meant so much to so many came to fruition. I stood and watched in a room full of strangers cheering, crying and simply ready for a new future. I have witnessed what my ancestors fought for, sacrificed for, died for. Black and White. I was here to see it happen. To take part and pride in my people, this nation and my choice. I am excited and hopeful for this moment in history. Something of a snapshot, a glimpse that my children will only know in videos. I can tell them about that room of exhausted stangers, longing for change and finding it in Barack Obama. And I can tell them that I was a part of it.

Halloween Night!

I haven't been a v. good blogger lately. There's been so much going on. The election. Halloween. In equal pats of course. For Halloween I was a gay black man dressed like Mimi from Rent. I loved it. I went to this party at my best friends house and compared fake crotch's with a Chad Michael Michaels look alike. And shamelessly and openly flirted with most of the males there. Of course it wasn't me really. It was Chi Chi, my gay male doppelganger.